Musings on Retirement by Janet Tricht It seems like just yesterday. I was a switchboard operator at the local middle school, watching my son Adam embarassingly squirm as I ran out from behind the desk to give him a surprise hug and kiss on the cheek. But now, Adam’s a college graduate, and I’m a retiree. Instead of filling my days with classroom announcements and sick notes, I’m filling them with cheesy soaps and LSD and afternoon swims. I laugh as I remember the stress the morning routines gave me. Between packing lunches and getting little Adam dressed, I barely had time to drink my coffee, let alone put myself together for a day’s work. And while those days gave me some of my fondest memories, I can relax. Nowadays, I wake up, hit the snooze button, and go back to sleep. When I am up, I just do a line of blow and I’m set for the next 18 hours. I often think back to my first job. After a long day of school, I would go to work with my gruff Uncle Thomas, who was the local dry cleaner in town. While he dealt with the customers, I ran the machines in the back, rushing to get things finished on time, and sweating through my clothes. These days the only time I sweat is after a morning jog on the beach, or if I smoke some bad angel dust and start hallucinating that scorpions are eating me alive. If you’re one of the people still working a tough job, struggling to pay the bills and take care of your family, don’t forget to stop and smell the roses. While my days are full of leisure time, the best activity is reminiscing about the tough days raising a son as a single mother. The hardships I endured were all worth it. However, if you’re like me and you’re retired, then sit back, relax, light up some crystal meth, and enjoy the good life. (photo via seanorr)

Musings on Retirement

by Janet Tricht

It seems like just yesterday. I was a switchboard operator at the local middle school, watching my son Adam embarassingly squirm as I ran out from behind the desk to give him a surprise hug and kiss on the cheek. But now, Adam’s a college graduate, and I’m a retiree. Instead of filling my days with classroom announcements and sick notes, I’m filling them with cheesy soaps and LSD and afternoon swims.

I laugh as I remember the stress the morning routines gave me. Between packing lunches and getting little Adam dressed, I barely had time to drink my coffee, let alone put myself together for a day’s work. And while those days gave me some of my fondest memories, I can relax. Nowadays, I wake up, hit the snooze button, and go back to sleep. When I am up, I just do a line of blow and I’m set for the next 18 hours.

I often think back to my first job. After a long day of school, I would go to work with my gruff Uncle Thomas, who was the local dry cleaner in town. While he dealt with the customers, I ran the machines in the back, rushing to get things finished on time, and sweating through my clothes. These days the only time I sweat is after a morning jog on the beach, or if I smoke some bad angel dust and start hallucinating that scorpions are eating me alive.

If you’re one of the people still working a tough job, struggling to pay the bills and take care of your family, don’t forget to stop and smell the roses. While my days are full of leisure time, the best activity is reminiscing about the tough days raising a son as a single mother. The hardships I endured were all worth it. However, if you’re like me and you’re retired, then sit back, relax, light up some crystal meth, and enjoy the good life.

(photo via seanorr)