Dear Mr. and Mrs. Lenosky,

IT IS I, CAPTAIN AMERICA, who kidnapped your child this past Sunday morning while you were ordering bagels.

I have good reason to believe that your child, Emily Lenosky, is a COMMIE! Once this is proven to be true, I shall SMASH HER WITH MY MIGHTY SHIELD.

I have no demands, only a duty to gallantly protect this SWEET LAND OF LIBERTY. However, I would ask you to sign this online petition to keep “under god” in the pledge of allegiance. 

Patriotically,

Captain America!