“Hello, there. My name is Phil, and this is Xian, my ex-boyfriend.”
“SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
“And this is our audition video for A&E’s Flip This House. We bought this place a few years ago, knowing that it would take a lot of work to get this place up to what most people would call decent living standards. But we hit a bit of a hump when we found out most of our income went to a certain somebody’s body modifications—
“FAAAHHHHHHH!”
“—a certain somebody who doesn’t even sleep in the house, but instead a giant sand tank in the basement—”
“ZAAAAAAHHH!!!”
“We’ve never seen the show, but we’ve heard great things and hope you consider us for the show, thanks…what is your problem?”
“SSSSHHHHHHH”
“I am trying to HELP US. I am trying to be PRO-ACTIVE, here. You seem to have tunnel vision, all you care about is eating bugs and scaring the neighbors. I barely ever see you anymore! You’ve gone totally nocturnal! I don’t need this stress! I’m busy enough as it is, working double shifts at Baja Fresh, just so you can get your tounge split in half!”
“HAAAASSSSSHHHH.”
“Typical.”
(photo via Joey Lusterman)
