They say you can’t teach an old magician new tricks. You know what I say to them? ALAKAZAAM! (Doves fly out of a burst of smoke.) Doves. Hello, my friends, my name is Bailey Jones, and I am the number one magician in this area, and I have the awards and newspaper articles to prove it. But why prove it the conventional way when I can—ALAKAZAAM! (Doves fly out of a burst of smoke.) Now, when I was a young…boy, I had a great interest in the unexplained. I wanted to understand magic, and have that power at my disposal. Well, after several years of study, I managed—ALAKAZAAM! (Doves fly out of a burst of smoke.) For my next trick I will need a participant from the audience. (A young woman steps onto the stage.) Now, we have never met, have we? (She begins to speak) ALAKAZAAM! (Doves fly out of a burst of smoke.) Thank you very much. You may have a seat. (Woman sits down, confused.) Growing up my idol was the famous Harry Houdini. Arguably his most famous trick of all time was being tied up—ALAKAZAAM! (Doves fly out of a burst of smoke.) In a container filled with water while locked in stocks. It was known as the Chinese Water Torture Cell. Since them it has been made famous by such world famous magicians as Doug Henning and (pause) David Copperfield. ASSISTANT! BRING ME! THE CHINESE! WATER! TORTURE! (pause) CELL! (Magician walks off of stage and drags out his Chinese Water Torture Cell, which is not filled with water.) Excuse me as I let the fill this with (pause) WATER! (About fifteen minutes go by while the magician half-fills the chamber with water, carried onstage in paint buckets.) Okay, now I am prepared to do the trick that killed Houdini! Yes! I said KILLED HOUDINI! (Magician awkwardly locks himself in ankle and hand cuffs, awkwardly wiggles up a ladder, and awkwardly falls into the half-filled water chamber.) (Garbled) ALAKAZAAM! ALAKAZAAM! ALAKAZAAM! (The tank slowly becomes filled with birds, which quickly drown in the water. Once he is finished, he pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks his chains, while popping out of the water to catch his breath every ten seconds. He drags himself out of the tank.) (Exhausted) Alakazaam. (A deat, wet bird falls from the inside of his sleeve.)

They say you can’t teach an old magician new tricks. You know what I say to them? ALAKAZAAM!

(Doves fly out of a burst of smoke.)

Doves. Hello, my friends, my name is Bailey Jones, and I am the number one magician in this area, and I have the awards and newspaper articles to prove it. But why prove it the conventional way when I can—ALAKAZAAM!

(Doves fly out of a burst of smoke.)

Now, when I was a young…boy, I had a great interest in the unexplained. I wanted to understand magic, and have that power at my disposal. Well, after several years of study, I managed—ALAKAZAAM!

(Doves fly out of a burst of smoke.)

For my next trick I will need a participant from the audience.

(A young woman steps onto the stage.)

Now, we have never met, have we?

(She begins to speak)

ALAKAZAAM!

(Doves fly out of a burst of smoke.)

Thank you very much. You may have a seat.

(Woman sits down, confused.)

Growing up my idol was the famous Harry Houdini. Arguably his most famous trick of all time was being tied up—ALAKAZAAM!

(Doves fly out of a burst of smoke.)

In a container filled with water while locked in stocks. It was known as the Chinese Water Torture Cell. Since them it has been made famous by such world famous magicians as Doug Henning and (pause) David Copperfield. ASSISTANT! BRING ME! THE CHINESE! WATER! TORTURE! (pause) CELL!

(Magician walks off of stage and drags out his Chinese Water Torture Cell, which is not filled with water.)

Excuse me as I let the fill this with (pause) WATER!

(About fifteen minutes go by while the magician half-fills the chamber with water, carried onstage in paint buckets.)

Okay, now I am prepared to do the trick that killed Houdini! Yes! I said KILLED HOUDINI!

(Magician awkwardly locks himself in ankle and hand cuffs, awkwardly wiggles up a ladder, and awkwardly falls into the half-filled water chamber.)

(Garbled) ALAKAZAAM! ALAKAZAAM! ALAKAZAAM!

(The tank slowly becomes filled with birds, which quickly drown in the water. Once he is finished, he pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks his chains, while popping out of the water to catch his breath every ten seconds. He drags himself out of the tank.)

(Exhausted) Alakazaam.

(A deat, wet bird falls from the inside of his sleeve.)